You Only Leave Once

5 things that my mother’s death has taught me

Losing your mother isn’t something you can ever prepare for. She was a significant part of your life, and now you have adjust to her not being around. Sometimes it becomes hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel but with time, you will.

I have learned that grief isn’t something you can just get over, but I’ve also realized that grieving can make your life richer in unexpected ways. I want to share five things my mother’s death has taught me in hopes that it will help someone else going through losing their mother.

Be Kind to Yourself
When I lost my mother, I remember not taking care of myself or punishing myself for the way I was grieving. I became forgetful, and my mind was foggy. You have to remember that everyone grieves differently. You are grieving, and you can’t feel guilty for doing so. Be kind and take care of yourself; it’s one of the most important things you can do.

You’re the Source of Your Prosperity
While grieving, I learned everyone has their own coping mechanisms. But some of these mechanisms don’t always support self-care. The best thing you can do for yourself is to face grief directly, no matter how hard it may be. I chose to thrive through prioritizing self-care. Whether it is enjoying your favorite coffee drink or taking a long bath with your favorite bath bomb, prioritize yourself.
Do What Works for You
I found myself not to be super religious, but I still appreciated guidance from the campus chaplain at my college. I hadn’t danced since I was a kid, but I found stress relief and joy in taking a few dance classes. There is no specific method to get through grieving, so see what works for you and use it to get through those hard times.

No One Can Fill That Void in Your Life
The hole in my heart created when my mom left this earth, is a hole that no one else can fill. I used to wonder who would ever understand me, the way that my mother did? Or who will I call with problems that only mom can solve? I have amazing influences in my life who are there for me when I need them, but they will never replace my mom. Healing does not mean we have to substitute, but we must expand, despite the holes we carry.

Healing With Time
You’ll often hear that “time heals all wounds.” On the contrary, grieving doesn’t have a timeline. There will always be good and bad days, but once we make it through those bad days, we’ll find a greater appreciation for the little joys on the good days. By finding effective coping mechanisms, you’ll begin living in the present again. My mood does not have to be determined by the pain I endured in the past.

Losing a parent is just plain hard. I hope sharing my story in lessons I’ve learned helps someone else who is dealing with the pain of losing a parent.
mother-and-daughter-baking

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